When Bethany Joy Lenz was a member of The Big House Family, she married the cult leader’s son and became entangled in a relationship that wasn’t meant to be.
“We didn’t have a lot in common. There wasn’t a lot of intellectual stimulation,” Lenz, 43, said during her “Call Her Daddy” podcast interview, released on Wednesday, October 16. “I kind of run out of options. … It just became this sort of arranged situation.”
While Lenz admitted that the relationship with her unnamed ex-husband — who is referred to as “QB” in her upcoming memoir, Dinner for Vampires — was “easy and playful,” the desire to have sex with him was missing.
“I had a crazy sex drive,” the One Tree Hill star admitted on the podcast. “It’s kind of amazing that I didn’t have sex until I was married.”
However, because she didn’t feel “connected” to her husband on that level, drastic measures were taken. Lenz and her now-ex were put on a schedule to have sex, something that has impacted her relationships even after getting divorced. (Lenz shares daughter Rosie, born in 2011, with her ex-husband.)
“I don’t think that necessarily had anything to do with saving myself from marriage,” she explained. “It was just that I married the wrong person.”
On the episode, Lenz detailed her 10-years in The Big House Family cult, which is the primary focus of her forthcoming book, set to be released on Tuesday, October 22. Keep scrolling to read revelations from Lenz’s “Call Her Daddy” interview:
Her Feelings on Sex
Lenz admitted that she had a “difficult” understanding of sex because of her marriage.
“I thought if I saved myself from marriage, then the promise is amazing sex and super deep intimacy and nothing’s ever as good,” Lenz explained. But she didn’t “feel more connected” to her husband.
The Schedule
To combat her “disinterested” feelings about sleeping with her husband, the former couple was put on a sex schedule by the cult leaders. Lenz was in a long-distance relationship at the time as she was filming One Tree Hill in North Carolina.
“I didn’t have this attraction, I didn’t have the drive,” she said, noting that it she believed it was her “duty” as a wife to have sex with her husband.
“I take marriage seriously, and I made a promise before God,” she recalled. “This is something I really want to figure out how to make it work. So, I hated it, but I was like, OK, if this is what I’m supposed to do.”
However, her “stomach dropped” every time that her husband came to town.
The Impact on Her Relationships
The sex schedule in her marriage caused “PTSD” with other boyfriends, Lenz admitted. If she had to pick up men from the airport, she was immediately brought back into the mindset of having “this sex schedule for the next two weeks or three weeks or whatever.”
Feelings Toward Her Ex
It seemed Lenz has no bad blood toward her ex-husband — who was raised in The Big House Family cult.
“Poor guy, never had a shot, was raised by this narcissist. He’s thrust into a marriage with a girl that’s not right for him,” she said. “He’s doing the best that he can. He’s been fed all these lies about men and machismo and warriors and all this s—. … It was just a mess all around.”
Using ‘One Tree Hill’ as an Escape
During the hard times in her marriage, Lenz was playing Haley James Scott — who has a great relationship with husband Nathan Scott (James Lafferty) — so she “leaned into” that, but “only in the moments when the cameras were rolling.”
She and Lafferty had “a totally professional relationship” offscreen, which was a blessing.
“I always sort of saw him in real life as a brotherly figure and he was lovely,” she said of her former costar. “We never crossed that boundary, and I never had to worry about having feelings for, like that would have been really, really difficult.”
Impacting Her Career
Lenz would kiss Lafferty onscreen for their One Tree Hill roles — and her ex-husband “hated it.”
“He also wanted me to quit acting, so I would stop making out with other guys,” she shared.
Starting a Family
For “a long time,” Lenz did not want to have kids because she was “miserable” in the marriage. However, they finally got to a “happy enough” place where she was ready to take the next step.
“I did want a baby. I’d always wanted a baby. I always wanted to be a mom,” she shared. “I didn’t want to do it in a time when I was full of emotional turmoil. That took about six years to get to that point.”
