A woman has explained that she needed to make a tough call about her relatives during her wedding planning.
She’s shared that her biological mom has been living with her for two years, but before that, “She ignored me most of my life.”
“AITA for telling bio mom she won’t be walking me down the aisle?”
The woman gave further context in an online group, asking for advice:
“My boyfriend and I have finally taken the next step, and have begun talking and planning out our wedding,” she wrote.
“This includes who will be walking me down the aisle. I don’t want the traditional “father of the bride hands his daughter away” but I want both my parents to walk me down the aisle as they have done a lot for me.
“Here’s the thing; I am adopted. My biological mom did not raise me, nor did she contribute to any of my upbringing in any way. She actually ignored me for most of her life and was not committed to attending any milestones (HS or college graduation, birthdays, etc.)
“In the last two years, she has become a pretty frequent person in my life. We have resolved most differences and moved forward. She even lives with me currently.
“I’ve made the decision she will be invited to the wedding and will be with the family table at the reception, but she will not be walking me down the aisle.
“I want my adoptive parents to do that since they raised me since I was seven and actually have been present and supportive in my life.”
The woman’s bio mom did not take this news well at all, strongly “guilt-tripping” her daughter and “crying,” prompting the future bride to doubt herself.
“Lucky to be invited at all”
Commenters on the post felt deeply for the young woman and gave her their full support.
“Your birth mother is lucky you are inviting her at all. Make it clear that you want the parents who raised you to be the ones to walk you down the aisle. If she isn’t okay with that or you think that she will make a fuss at the wedding then reconsider whether she should be invited or not,” one firmly advised.
This response showed concern for the poster, too: “Honestly this expectation – and certainly her response – has me doubting she is a healthy presence in your life, especially to be living with you.
“What would she expect your adoptive parents’ roles to be? Start with a firm conversation with her in which you instruct her to stop complaining, whining, and guilt-tripping because you don’t need to tolerate this from her.
“She sounds manipulative AF. Please tread carefully with what you allow her to do in your life, you’re giving her a lot of access for someone that you’ve only grown close to over the last few years, given the broader history.”
Another commenter shared their perspective even more bluntly, writing: “That’s pretty rich, considering she gave you up for adoption and wasn’t present at all in your life. I thought it was a very decent move on your part to invite her to the wedding, with a seat at your table. But this entitled reaction on her part may make you reconsider that.”
Many others agreed that the bio mom’s “guilt-tripping” moves were the real issues.
“What makes your bio-mother the AH is the fact that she is prepared to guilt trip you about this, that’s totally out of order,” one wrote, and another said, “Two years of contact does not erase her abandonment or all the work your adoptive parents did raising you.”
