Dating in the age of social media can be a vicious cycle.
“Carouseling” is the latest foul play to get called out in the dating game. Some singles are being accused of stalling amid their tireless scrolling and swiping on dating apps, chatting with matches for weeks or months with no urgent intent of meeting in real life.
One dating expert claims this habit has led to too much overthinking and ignited anxiety, especially among those just entering the dating pool: Gen Z.
Tina Wilson, New York-based relationship expert and founder of the dating app Wingman, describes this as “the feeling of being stuck in a never-ending loop of messages before meeting a match on a dating app,” she told the Daily Mail.
“To the Gen Z generation, counseling is more about dating app burnout, where they feel overwhelmed by too many choices, leading to constant messaging out of fear that something better is always just around the corner,” Wilson explained, adding that the psychology stems from a “build-up of expectation and uncertainty.”
“Prolonged anticipation can create unrealistic expectations, overthinking, and pressures on both daters, which, once triggered, can make it very hard for them to meet in person,” Wilson said. “The unknowns become too much, and it’s over before it even started.”
Wilson also attributes this cycle to the “lack of non-verbal cues” in online dating.
“There are a lot of smoke and mirrors, and pressure to impress or present a version of yourself that you want others to see, reflecting an online profile of perfectionism,” she noted. “But that isn’t real, so, particularly with Gen Z or people who live and breathe social media, this culture just sets daters up for disappointment.”
To combat this, Wilson suggests getting out of the “carousel” cycle as soon as possible — but she also warns against meeting up with a match too quickly, as that can bring up other risks.
“There’s also an unspoken pressure to meet someone straight away, but that’s not necessarily the answer, and it can cause other problems if you end up dating someone who isn’t right for you,” she advised.
“I wouldn’t necessarily advise pushing yourself to meet someone in person sooner than you feel ready to, just because you’re worried about being stuck in the carousel rut. Do what feels right for you.”
If you find yourself in a “carousel” rut and don’t know how to get out of it, Wilson shared five tips with the Daily Mail to break the cycle and make dating “fun” again:
- Let your friends help you. “If a friend can help you match with someone and make the introduction, it automatically reduces the pressure on both daters.”
- Be honest online. “Let’s face it, we all do a bit of digging into potential dates online, so what are you putting out there? Be as authentic as possible.”
- Try Facetime first. “Not only can you gauge things you have in common by doing this, but you’re also in the comfort of your own home, which will help reduce the cycle of overthinking dramatically.”
- Remember nerves are normal. “Dating and meeting new people can naturally create nervous feelings in us, but remember, this is a normal process. It’s normal to have some nervous energy, so remind yourself of this fact.”
- Be intentional with your time. “You’ll have a more positive mindset as well as a healthier approach if you set aside dedicated time for online dating or communicating with a potential match.”
