Gail Rudnick and Kim Murstein — the no-nonsense hosts of hit podcast series “Excuse My Grandma” — are The Post’s brand-new advice columnists.
From family feuds to friendship fallouts, money, marriage and sex, there’s no topic too taboo to tackle, and the native New Yorkers will hash out each issue from their differing perspectives to tell the tough-love truth — and you’ll thank them for it.
To get your questions answered, head to nypost.com/ema and drop them a note about what you need sorted.
Dear Excuse My Advice,
My 11-year-old daughter is obsessed with her devices and social media, and I can’t seem to get her to make meaningful relationships or experience life properly. I want to wean her off and make this adjustment. But also, at what age do you think children should be allowed to get on social media?
Grandma Gail: I don’t think any child younger than 12 should be on social media. I think it’s very poor influence, especially for girls. They start looking at people who are on it and try to imitate them, and it’s not fair. And, they body shame, or they say, “This one’s prettier than I am.”
Their self-image goes down. I really I know it’s very difficult because I think most parents, including my own children, give their children a device because they need to have their phones for safety issues. So it’s very hard to say you can carry a phone but then not look at it. So, I’m not the perfect person to answer that, but, I know from experience that children need to feel good about themselves, and I think a lot of social media does not allow the child of 12 or 13 to feel good.
By the time they’re 14, forget it, the damage is already done. But when they’re in that very formative puberty era, it’s really not a smart thing.
Kim: I got a phone, I think around 13, 14 — a pink Razr flip phone. And, it was so cool. But there was no Instagram or TikTok. I think I started using Facebook, but there was just not that culture around it where people were commenting negative things.
There were no people with major followings. So it’s really just when you hung out with people, you posted pictures and I had a little bit of FOMO sometimes if I saw people went to a party and I wasn’t invited. Like that happened. But it was on a much lesser scale.
Grandma Gail: So today, I think — today I think there’s a serious issue. And, I’m so glad that a lot of the schools are making the children put their phones away. Put it in a locker of some sort, and then they get it when they are leaving school.
But I think it’s important to help children ration the time on their devices. Have it for safety reasons, yes. But set time limits, and don’t allow social media.
Kim: And parents have to be both on the same page. too. You can’t have one saying, oh, it’s alright, you can do it. And the other one say, no, you know, you can’t. So that’s an issue to be seriously discussed.
Dear Excuse My Advice,
Whenever I vent to a close friend, she immediately switches into therapist mode, analyzing my feelings, offering frameworks, and telling me what I should do. I know she means well, but sometimes I just need her to listen and validate me, not fix me. How do I ask her to show up as a friend instead of a therapist without hurting the relationship?
Kim: I unfortunately go into therapist mode, which is why I know you were pointing at me. Because I feel sometimes people are coming to me for advice, so I’m giving advice. Excuse My Advice. I know my advice. That’s the whole point!
Grandma Gail: I know, and you give good advice. But the point is, evidently, she’s getting offended. It’s too much. So I think after you’ve given advice once, perhaps, because I’m sure the same topic keeps coming up and up and up — should I go out with this guy or whatever? Or should I go to my in-laws’ house for dinner and I don’t want to go?
Once you’ve given your opinion once. That’s it. Don’t, every time she picks up the phone and talks, go back to that same conversation.
Kim: And on the other side of it, when you’re venting to your friend, I think it’s totally normal to say, “Can you just be a listening ear? I just need to vent to you — and I honestly don’t even need a response. I just needed some validation. And as the friend, I hope you would just be quiet.
Unless you really can’t hold back. Like, I don’t think I have vented to you where you have not given me an opinion.
Grandma Gail: Well, that’s different. That’s not a friend. That’s a grandma to her granddaughter.
Kim: That’s fair. But yeah, I think in this situation, like, it would not hurt the relationship to just be quiet. Listen. And on the other side, don’t be afraid to be honest about what you need from your friend.
If someone asked me to stop giving advice in the moment, I think I would stop giving them advice. I would just listen. But I think then maybe to my other friends I’d be like, why did she come to me if she didn’t wanted by it?
Grandma Gail: Well, that’s not nice. I think advice goes to a certain degree and then you have to sort of lay back and listen to what she’s really saying to you. She probably really doesn’t want your advice. She just wants you to hear what her issues are.
Kim: Well, here’s the thing. I don’t want my advice to come off like a judgment of her because it’s really not. Like I truly want to support my friends and I want to be there for them, and I want to help them.
I don’t care about the people that they’re like, upset about or whatever. I care about them. So it’s never to be judgmental or make them feel bad. It’s truly to help them get out of a situation or in a better situation or whatever it may be. But if it doesn’t come across that way, that would make me sad.
