Gail Rudnick and Kim Murstein — the no-nonsense hosts of hit podcast series “Excuse My Grandma” — are The Post’s brand-new advice columnists.
From family feuds to friendship fallouts, money, marriage and sex, there’s no topic too taboo to tackle, and the native New Yorkers will hash out each issue from their differing perspectives to tell the tough-love truth — and you’ll thank them for it.
To get your questions answered, head to nypost.com/ema and drop them a note about what you need sorted.
Dear Excuse My Advice,
I’ve been seeing my friend’s ex-boyfriend. They broke up over a year ago on okay terms, and he’s genuinely a good guy. I didn’t plan for feelings to develop, but they did. Is it ever okay to date a friend’s ex? And how do I tell her and our friend group, without ruining everything?
Grandma Gail: I would certainly hope a little time elapsed between the break and your going out. And then I would definitely say to my friend, ‘Would it bother you?’
Kim: Don’t just say, ‘By the way, we’re dating.’
Grandma Gail: Right. You might end up not being that friendly with her anymore. If you really think there’s really a chance of a serious relationship, I would go for it, but I would tell the friend, ‘You know, I’m just gonna tell you right up front.’ If she hasn’t moved on, that could be an issue. But, you know, I still think you have to try it if you really feel that strongly about the young person.
Kim: I feel like there are so many men and women in the whole world, why do you have to go for your friend’s ex?
Grandma Gail: Because sometimes that’s the person you’re closest to. It’s like very often when people get divorced, they end up going with friends who they were friendly with who also got divorced. Because you’re more comfortable with those people.
Kim: If it was my friend and they said they wanted to go out with my ex, I would not want to be friends with the girl anymore.
Grandma Gail: Oh, really, okay.
Kim: Because I’m like, do you just not care about me and my feelings at all?
Grandma Gail: But you broke up!
Kim: Even if we broke up totally friendly, and there were no issues, I would find it so strange because I would wonder, ‘Did my friend have feelings for my boyfriend the entire time?’
Grandma Gail: Sometimes you’re in a position where you wouldn’t have acted on it if they were together, but sometimes in your own mind you say, “You know this is the kind of guy I would like.”
Kim: I just feel like it’s not girl code. But you believe in girl code, don’t you?
Grandma Gail: I don’t really care.
Dear Excuse My Advice,
Bachelorette parties are insanely expensive, and between travel, hotels and bridesmaid costs, I can’t afford it all. How do I set boundaries without guilt or feeling left out?
Grandma Gail: You know how I feel on this, Kim.
Kim: Grandma Gail hates the idea of a bachelorette, of a destination wedding, of all of it.
Grandma Gail: Well, I think it’s not fair. I really believe that nobody can afford these. Their airfare, their hotels. Unless the bride and groom are picking up the tab, which none of them do, it’s just too expensive. You’re going to have to say, listen I budgeted for a wonderful wedding gift to give you and I’m dying to go to the wedding and that’s all I can do. I can’t go to the bachelorette party, I can’t go to the shower. It’s just too much. I actually think it’s the fault of the bride and groom. They’re very inconsiderate.
Kim: What a lot of my friends do is they say this is how much up front the bachelorette party is going to be, you will not have to pay a dime outside of this. If, for some reason, we do things that go outside of this and become more expensive, that is a cost the bride is taking on. But this is what you can expect to pay, and then people can make up their minds whether they want to do that or not.
Grandma Gail: People get upset, they feel you’re not being a good friend by not attending all these things, and that’s wrong.
Kim: I think you just have to be cognizant of people’s situations and be understanding.
Grandma Gail: Because everything is so expensive these days. So you know, just be fair.
