Are you a PTA mom — or a Venmo mom?
Busy mothers in NYC who know time is money are throwing dollars into the problems that come with intense school party planning and volunteering.
Despite the risk of raised eyebrows and steely judgment from teachers and other parents, they opt to help raise funds rather than spend time laboring at their kids’ schools.
Dikla Goren-Dekel, 43, is raising four kids — 13, 10, 8 and 4 — in New York City and can’t imagine adding PTA meetings and four rounds of class parties to her seemingly never-ending to-do list.
That’s why she proudly calls herself a Venmo mom.
“I would never be a class parent. I’ll just Venmo you. Just tell me how much,” the content creator told The Post.
“I’m already overwhelmed with life, with so many things, kids activities and my own schedule,” she confessed. “It’s really hard to keep up with everything. It’s really insane.”
One day earlier in December, the Brooklyn mom received an early-morning reminder to dress her preschool daughter in an ugly sweater for the day’s holiday activities.
“Nobody’s even going to talk about the sweater,” Goren-Dekel exclaimed. “It’s just too much.”
The mother of four receives so many messages about her children’s school activities that she created a separate email account for those — and can barely keep up with the WhatsApp notifications.
“It’s always something,” she said. “It’s nonstop.”
With a quartet of young kids, Goren-Dekel and her husband, Noam, attend the events they can, but they’re more likely to write a check and carry on with their already busy schedules.
And they dismiss any negativity about their penchant for exchanging cash over attending events.
“I don’t really care what people think at this point. I know that I’m doing my best,” Goren-Dekel said.
But for other mothers, doing their best means completely rearranging their lives to be more present in their children’s schooling.
Maria Colaco, 46, left her job and became a self-employed digital marketer when she realized that working for someone else would push her to become a Venmo mom, which she did not want.
“It’s important for me to get involved because then I get a say in the narrative of my child’s upbringing. I get to experience some really cool stuff and get to be part of how they experience it,” the mother of three told The Post.
For example, because Colaco was always present at her children’s school celebrations, she noticed they were being served a brand of juice with “bad” ingredients and a lot of sugar, so she raised the issue at a board meeting.
Although her request to stop serving the juice was denied, she was proud to be an active voice in her kids’ school community.
Alyce Chan, a comedian and mother of two elementary schoolers in Westchester, believes being involved in her children’s school gives them an edge.
“I think when you establish a bond [with the teachers] and you see them often, the teachers know that you want to be there and be involved there,” the 40-something-year-old comedian admitted to The Post. “I selfishly think they may support my child a little bit more.”
Research has shown that parental involvement in a child’s education is strongly correlated to their success — but it doesn’t mean they have to be elected to the PTA.
“While parents should be involved in their children’s education, how they choose to do so varies based on their philosophy and schedules — whether it’s as a Venmo parent, classroom mom or PTA president,” Michele Borba, an educational psychologist and author of “Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine,” told The Post.
That’s why some mothers have battled inherent stigma and slowly accepted their positions as simply Venmo moms.
Brianne Manz, 43, has three children aged 16, 13 and 11 attending schools in the Battery Park area.
Since she’s self-employed, the Venmo mom feels a “sense of guilt” whenever she’s not more involved in her children’s school events — but has become more comfortable with each child.
“It’s a little bit of a lesser stress that you feel with the third versus the first kid. You’re, like, ‘I’ve been there. I’ve done this before. You know, it’s going to be fine,’” she told The Post.
When Manz finally did attend a recent field trip with her fifth-grader daughter, she was again reminded that her children are fine without her supporting them in person.
“She was kind of, like, ‘Why are you here?’” she said with a laugh.
Easing any shame is knowing that her children don’t mind if she opts to send some cash — rather than her physical self.
“I think, at the end of the day, parents put the pressure on themselves,” Manz shared.
But sometimes kiddos do miss their moms and dads.
Jaclyn Alesia, 42, feels her heart break when her children ask why she doesn’t attend most of their events — but she has her own classroom to be at.
The Long Island teacher, whose spouse is also a teacher, chooses one event a year to show up for and sends money to support the rest.
“We are busy,” the mother of three told The Post.
“We are doing what we need to do in order to survive in this world. We’re just doing what we need to do to stay afloat,” she said, adding that it’s “extremely difficult to manage.”
But prioritizing her career and having a life outside of her family helps her to be “seen as a person” beyond being a mother.
So, she’s fine to send some money to the class mom — and then call it a day.
“How a mom chooses to be involved in her children’s education is always a personal choice that should based on what she thinks is best for her children and herself,” Borba said. “There is truth in saying, ‘No one knows their children better than you.’”
