I recently landed in Santa Fe, looking forward to meeting the stones. Not the aging but somehow still performing “Rolling Stones,” but the rare gray and robin’s egg blue stones that were once the cremains of Mark Cessarich, a 6’1, 64-year-old 2nd grade teacher-turned-economist, who passed away in July from a heart attack and diabetes complications. His ashes were delivered by his daughter and son to Parting Stone, a company helping define the post-cremation space — a category in the funeral industry that’s become unexpectedly popular and plentiful.
Parting Stone’s 8,000-square-foot, open space warehouse is based in southern Santa Fe. When I visited, 520 deceased people and pets were waiting for a space to open up on the production floor. Over the next 10 to 14 weeks, they would go from ashes in a zippered plastic bag, housed in individualized cubbies, to, depending upon your bone density and skeletal size, 40-80 solidified, 1-to-3-inch, rounded, polished stones — all for $2,500. These claspable objects can easily fit in your pocket or bag, be divided out to family and friends, or purposely left in places that hold significant meaning to that person, or you.
Justin Crowe, 36, is the CEO and founder of the 6-year-old venture and has created a method that utilizes all of one’s ashes while turning them into something tangible. In 2023, his “Shark Tank” appearance (with Kevin O’Leary and Lori Greiner investing in his first round) coincided with his perfecting the solidifying process, solving a problem that affects millions of people — what to do with someone’s ashes?
“I would hear people say, ‘I’ve got my brother’s ashes in my closet.’ Or ‘I’m afraid to scatter my dog’s remains because the wind might blow,” Crowe said. “The ashes were one of the most important, powerful objects in their life, but it also made them uncomfortable.”
According to the Cremations Association of North America’s 2022 Cremation Memorialization Research, almost one in four US households, or approximately 22 million families, have human cremated remains in their homes.
Crowe said most people “don’t know what to do with them,” he explained. “I wanted to invent a form of remains that was nice to look at, comfortable to touch, and offered a desire to be close to them.”
These days, everyone seems to be looking for a different way to hold onto their departed or a new way to transform their ashes.
According to the National Funeral Directors Association, US cremation rates are projected to increase substantially, reaching 82.1% by 2045, while burial rates are predicted to fall to 13.3%.
Pricing also plays a part. The World Population Review, who ranked funeral costs by state, found the average price of a funeral in New York was $10,400, with end-of-life expenses adding another $18,500, totaling close to $29,000. Cremation, clocking in at $550-$2500, is far less expensive.
People, too, want more personal and sustainable options rather than traditional burials. They want customized events paired with tactile experiences. Not surprisingly, a creative movement memorializing ashes is now happening.
Cremation Solutions, based in Arlington, VT, offers a bevy of options, including personalized portraits of your loved one — usually created from a photo you’ve given them, done on museum quality canvas. According to their website, once you’ve approved the visuals, a tablespoon of ashes are thoughtfully incorporated into the artwork. “A final layer of glaze is applied over the ashes to permanently hold them in place,” boasts the site. “The cremation ashes are fully visible and touchable while adding a third dimension of beauty and meaning to the cremation artwork.”
Memorial ash art is also seeping into skin, literally. Want a tattoo using one’s cremains? Places like Your Angel’s Ink, Engrave Ink and Bubblegum Ink offer services that create bespoke ink from remains you’ve sent to them, allowing tattoos where one’s cremains are part of the actual ink and utilized in the body art process.
Diane Lange, the owner of Moonlight Tattoo in Ocean View, NJ, has seen a steady increase of requests for this service over the past two decades. She uses a pinch of ashes you’ve brought and blends it into her existing black ink, often in front of you — black is a thinner pigment and mixes better.
“We don’t advertise this, and most people don’t know it’s an option, so to have 30 to 50 people come in for this, that’s a lot,” she said, adding that combining ashes into a tattoo is the ultimate in carrying that person with you. Most people request an image with a flower, or a name or paw print, if it’s an animal. “I’ve put all my dogs and husband’s ashes into different tattoos,” she added. “This offers closure and it’s very emotional. That person or pet is now a part of you.”
If skin feels too close, try jewelry companies like Close By Me, Eterneva and LifeGem, who use ashes to help create rings, necklaces and pendants, among other items.
Dean van den Biesen is co-owner of LifeGem, which specialize in using remains to make their diamonds. He sighted technological advancement as one reason for the continued product offerings and upswing. For him, alternatives to traditional burials serve mourners who may be far from where their loved ones once lived. “We are a country of people who move a lot. It’s not so easy to visit a grave site. Having a keepsake stone on a ring and having that person with you is more appealing than seeing rows and rows of plots,” said van den Bisen, whose 24-year-old company, based in Chicago, uses an 8 oz. cup of cremations per diamond.
Over the past several years, he has steadily sold 400-500 diamonds yearly, at $2,000-$5,000 a ring, which takes five to six months from receipt of ashes to completion. “It’s a niche product. I don’t see it going mainstream,” he admitted. “But a diamond is the hardest substance and has the most luster and brilliance. It’s the best symbol of permanence and something you can hand down.”
Perhaps you’d prefer an experiential way to distribute your loved one. Heavenly Stars Fireworks can incorporate ashes into fireworks, honoring the deceased with an electrifying tribute. Mesoloft uses weather balloons, lifted almost 15 miles, to transport ashes to the edge of space where they’re released. Passages International disperses remains into floating recycled paper urns made from Himalayan rock salt or partially fired clay, among other options, that slowly disintegrate as family and friends watch them disappear into a lake, river or ocean.
“The focus [today] is on the memory and the personal reminders of the person rather than the burying of that person,” said Darren Crouch, president and co-founder of Passages International, headquartered in Santa Fe.
For those who want earthly permanency, Eternal Reef will incorporate ashes to create artificial reefs formations by using a type of concrete that encourages marine life growth when placed in the ocean. If music or hearing your loved one’s voice brings a soothing solace, And Vinyl will press a teaspoon of one’s ashes into a 12-minute, per side, playable vinyl record.
Regardless of the method, these companies are hoping to bring comfort to grieving people by providing unanticipated moments or experiences with those whom they’ve lost.
“Short of digging your hands into the urn of ashes, you cannot get closer than holding one of these stones,” said Crowe, speaking about the process he created and the tangibility factor. “It’s really powerful and consoling.”
That’s what Crowe’s approach brought Lianne Evans, whose mother, Arlene, passed away in July from cancer. Her box of 80 stones, white with a tint of tan, arrived in September.
“I love them. They’re in a bowl in my living room, which was her favorite room,” said Evans, 37, who lives in Teaneck, NJ. “I have one on my desk and hold one every day as I read a passage from a grief book . . . I can take a stone to any beach, and it’s like she is still here, traveling with me.” Evans has also given some stones away to family members.
When I finally was introduced to Mark Cessarich at Parting Stone’s last step packing and mailing station — he was being returned to his children who lived in Colorado — he had transformed into a surprisingly, yet wonderfully, large amount: 122 stones. His colors were a unique swirl of baby blue and gray, a combination Crowe had never seen.
“Like people, we’re learning no two stone colors come out the same,” he said.
Mark, in his vacuum-packed stone form, weighed 13 pounds, three more than when he arrived, and was, indeed, lovely. And joyous. It was a different kind of proof of life. A second opportunity for existence. Or as Crowe pointed out: “You’ve gained the ability to keep your loved one with you, and the opportunity to continue a bond with that object.”
Alix Strauss is a culture journalist and the author of the novel, “The Joy of Funerals.” She is currently working on a book on death and mortality. @alixstrauss
