Does your family belong on the naughty list?
A forensic psychologist has passed along some sage advice on how to deal with abrasive relatives who exhibit narcissistic tendencies.
Ava Green, a lecturer at the University of London, explains how to manage one’s emotions around a self-centered family that can push one’s holiday buttons to the point of screaming, “Bah, humbug!”
“They feel entitled to special treatment, are unable to empathize with others, exploit people to boost their own self-esteem, and display controlling and manipulative behavior,” she wrote in an essay for The Conversation, lending advice on what to do.
“This could involve having a couple of emergency exits up your sleeve to avoid confrontation, such as ‘I am going to go and help mom and dad in the kitchen’ or ‘I am going to go play with the kids.’ Alternatively, you could be more straightforward, and comment that ‘I think I need some space, we can catch up later.’”
Green also suggests “redirecting the conversation” to prevent things from getting out of hand. She suggests talking about TV or sports. Failing that, she suggests sternly saying, “I do not want to talk about this right now.”
The psychologist also explained that those with narcissistic traits are typically the ones who respond with rage and anger in situations. In those cases, they are often manipulative or undermining to raise their ego.
“If someone belittles you for a “mundane present” or for not having reached the same success in life as they think have, use the tactic of “grey rocking” – being non-reactive, dull and uninteresting,” Green wrote.
“This will avoid fuelling their need for attention. Remind yourself that their attack is not personal – this isn’t about you, it’s about their need for control.”
Trying to “reframe empathy” by citing stories about people who are more successful by looking at things from the perspective of others can also work in “a desperate situation.”
But most of all, do not allow their nonsense to interfere with your holiday.
“While attempting all this, make sure you prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. It is okay to retreat to a quiet room to get some headspace or step outside for a walk,” added Green.
“Remind yourself that you do not need to engage, interact or stay for the whole duration for the sake of family togetherness.”
