Webster added 630 words to its dictionary in 2023. We’d like to suggest one more: “touron.”
Moronic tourists have become an unfortunate fact of life in the digital age — you could even say they’re part of the zeitgeist.
From Yellowstone to Bali, not a week goes by without a touron earning scorn for pestering wildlife or vandalizing a sacred site. Of course, idiot tourists are nothing new: In 1930, even the prince of Wales was among the hordes of sightseers who climbed the pyramids of Egypt.
But back then you could get away with it. Today that type of no-no will land you in prison. Here’s what you need to know to keep your vacay from going viral.
Yokels in Yellowstone
With 4.5 million annual tourists, Yellowstone is the fourth most-visited national park. Thanks to their bad behavior the “Tourons of Yellowstone” Instagram account now has nearly 550,000 followers.
Last August, a visitor, carrying a child, thought it made sense to sprint after a mama bear and her two cubs. Then in April, an intoxicated Idaho man decided it would be fun to drunk-kick a bison, North America’s largest land mammal. Not to be out-dumbed, another tourist made headlines in June for relaxing in a field with a herd of bison — known to gore and even kill humans, who may or may not have deserved it.
“For herbivores like moose, elk, deer, bison, etc., you should stay at least 25 yards away,” Yellowstone guide Bo Welden told The Post. “Stay 100 yards away from bears and wolves.”
He also has no patience for cars that stop in the middle of the road to take in a sighting.
“All four tires should be off the road to keep traffic moving.”
And packing bear spray? It’s not a suggestion, it’s a sign of respect. Not only does it keep you safe, but it keeps bears safe, too.
“I can’t tell you the number of people I see on the trails without bear spray,” said Welden.
Another tip: bear spray in a backpack is useless. You need to have it on your hip. With bears capable of reaching 40 mph, even Usain Bolt isn’t safe.
“I can’t tell you the number of people I see on the trails without bear spray.”
Yellowstone guide Bo Welden
Finally, keep your hands, feet and all body parts outside of Yellowstone’s more than 10,000 hydrothermal features.
In September, a 60-year-old New Hampshire woman was airlifted out of Yellowstone — a pricy way to get a bird’s-eye view of the park — to treat third-degree burns she got as a result of breaking the rules and wandering off trail.
And in 2016, a 23-year-old Oregon man dissolved in an acidic pool, while trying to find a suitable place to soak.
Soaking, swimming and boiling eggs (which a touron actually tried to do) in Yellowstone’s hot springs are all prohibited.
Idiots in Italy
In 2023, Italy welcomed 60 million tourists, including several people immigration probably regret letting in. Last summer, in two separate incidents, a 27-year-old Bulgarian fitness instructor and a Swiss teen were caught on camera carving their names into the Colosseum.
The Trevi Fountain also didn’t skate by unscathed. In July, a baby boomer got a stern talking-to after walking out onto the world’s most famous fountain to refill her water bottle.
Last month, two nitwits — a Dutch kid wielding a Sharpie and a Kazakh embracing his inner Michaelangelo — were detained after defacing Herculaneum and Pompeii, both UNESCO World Heritage sites.
But Daniele Toniolo, an Italian tour guide with JayWay Travel, said you don’t have to vandalize an ancient site to warrant some serious side-eye.
“Disrespectful attire, noisy and unruly behaviors, and overall lack of respect might be perceived by locals as equally disruptive,” he told The Post.
To avoid running into tourons, Toniolo recommends opting for out-of-hours tours.
Bozos in Bali
All you need is a valid visa to visit Bali. But soon, the “Island of the Gods” may add “having two brain cells” to its list of entry requirements.
This paradoxical paradise attracts 5.2 million annual tourists, many of whom arrive buzzed and leave blacked out. Things have gotten so bad that last summer, the government issued a list of tourists do’s and don’ts — including not scootering like you’re on a suicide mission.
In April, an Aussie on a Bintang bender made headlines when he was detained in a mini-mart during a citizen’s arrest. A video of a British tourist baptizing himself in a decorative bowl of flowers in a five-star hotel in June already has nearly 70 million views. As of September, more than 150 tourons have been deported so far this year and nearly 200 more are in detention, awaiting deportation, according to a government report.
Being a respectful tourist in Bali isn’t rocket science, says Bali expat Denise Baron.
“Don’t go into a temple in a bikini, do wear a crash helmet on a motorbike and don’t even think about drugs,” she told The Post.
In July, a 49-year-old tourist narrowly escaped Bali’s mandatory death penalty for drug trafficking. Acting on a tip, officials who raided his hotel room found 3.15 grams of meth in his toothpaste tube. Instead of facing a firing squad, the father of two will be treated to a 4-month extended vacation in an Indonesian rehab.
