Gail Rudnick and Kim Murstein — the no-nonsense hosts of hit podcast series “Excuse My Grandma” — are The Post’s brand-new advice columnists.
From family feuds to friendship fallouts, money, marriage and sex, there’s no topic too taboo to tackle, and the native New Yorkers will hash out each issue from their differing perspectives to tell the tough-love truth — and you’ll thank them for it.
To get your questions answered, head to nypost.com/ema and drop them a note about what you need sorted.
Dear Excuse My Advice,
I’m a single dad raising teenage daughters, and we’re either missing female perspectives I can’t fully provide. What’s the best way to support them with strong female role models?
Grandma Gail: Well, they have their grandmas. Or their aunts even, if they don’t have grandmothers or don’t live close to near them. But maybe there’s a cousin or an aunt that’s in the neighborhood, or a family friend family friend who might pull up that slack, because girls do tend to need a little help with their hair, maybe how to put their makeup on. You could FaceTime them.
Kim: What do you think of this? Could they have a female role model in the media or something along those lines where they can follow them on social, or read their books, or whatever it is to kind of have that idea of like, okay, this person is goals in my mind. I want to work towards that.
Grandma Gail: But that’s very hard because there are not that many people that I would suggest. I mean, unless Oprah’s coming into the house. She would be the only role model I could think of, of everybody on TV. Or us! But the truth is, I think a hands on person, even if it’s not the most perfect person, is still good.
Kim: I also think for female role models it doesn’t necessarily have to be an elder. Like, sometimes you can find that in a friend, right?
Grandma Gail: Yes, you can.
Kim: Or you can find it in a teacher or you can find it in someone in your religious community. So I think putting them in a place where they’re around those kind of people. You have to have interactions and especially from a different perspective.
Grandma Gail: I believe the most important thing is good, constructive families. And if you’re fortunate to have it, it doesn’t take a village because you’ve got your own village. If you’re not in that position, it does help if you’ve got people around you and your family who are interested in your well-being. Also, for this father, there’s probably still advice you can take that your own mother gave to you and pass that onto your children.
What do I but I think your elders always have advice that’s worth heeding. In every society it’s been a reverence for elders — and there was a reason for it. They’ve already gone through these experiences. It might not be the same exact experience you’re going through, but they will have lived a life and will know what your children need from theirs.
And so I think that hopefully somewhere in your vicinity, you get some help with that. There’s a wealth of knowledge we can get from the older generations.
Kim: I agree. When we first started Excuse My Grandma, I knew — but it didn’t really hit me immediately — that I could lean on you and your wisdom. But I’ve learned so much from the more mature women that I meet and have in my life. So I definitely encourage you to do that for your girls.
Dear Excuse My Advice,
My fiance proposed and I’m thrilled to marry him. But I hate the ring. Do I say something, or is this one of those things you’re supposed to just accept?
Grandma Gail: Are you kidding me? Just be quiet and accept the ring and say “Thank you, it’s beautiful.” This whole thing is like the weddings, the bachelor parties, the destination weddings, the ring. That’s not what marriage is about. You know the proposal is coming anyway. And most people do say, you know, if you’re going to pick something out for me, I love the round or I love a pear. Maybe just throw it out there.
Don’t keep repeating until it’s annoying, but suggest it. But once it’s in your on your hand, it’s yours and say it’s beautiful. My husband didn’t ask me. He got what I guess his mother told him to get.
Kim: Yes. Few thoughts though. If you are somebody who cares — like this person — about what shape ring you get, you have to say something before. And as the person proposing, if you know your fiance is someone who will care, you should probably ask.
Grandma Gail: Sometimes the guys don’t think about it, give them a break. They’re overwhelmed because it’s so expensive, and it’s something that they think is wonderful. But I would hope that he says, “Do you have a preference?” I think most most men do that.
Kim: Your first ring doesn’t have to be your only ring. It’s not something you’re tattooing onto your body.
Grandma Gail: Except the first ring is the most emotional.
Kim: But after it’s already on your finger, there’s absolutely no way you can then be like, actually, can you exchange it?
Grandma Gail: No, that would be that would be really hurtful, really terrible. You just have to accept it. Right. And you can get a wedding band when you actually get married that you like better, because that’s what you’re going to be wearing.
In today’s world, very few people walk around with their solitaires because they’ll get hit in the head for wearing that. You know, it’s for special occasions. If you’re going to a party, most people just wear a band. So whatever it is, you know what? Don’t worry about it.
Kim: If I got an ugly ring…
Grandma Gail: You’d just have to keep it, and then wear it around your neck.
