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Happy Thursday, everybody. It’s a happy Thursday for everyone except for those in the Big Crapple. I just came up with that. True, New York is going to the **** faster than Joe Biden after adding a pinch of Metamucil to a bean burrito. Just ask Mayor Eric Adams, who said the tidal wave of illegal immigrants will destroy his town or, as Bill de Blasio calls it, finishing the job. By the way, what the hell is he up to, huh?
I wish and here I was told that diversity was the country’s biggest strength. And was it the idea of a sanctuary, the highest liberal goal? But the buses came, and they tied liberal ideas to the reality of their outcomes. And wouldn’t you know it, the libs are shocked. Never in my life.
ERIC ADAMS: Never in my life have I had a problem that I did not see an ending to. I don’t see an ending to this… This issue, will destroy New York City, destroy New York City.
And he’s the ******* mayor. Who says that about their own damn city? I mean, “Hello, I’m your mayor,” what the ****. Hey, Eric, all I can say is welcome to this thing called realidad, which is Spanish for reality. If you’re looking for a few more Dems to join you there, I’m afraid you’ll be as lonely as Brian Kilmeade on Valentine’s Day. Yeah, because this is yet just another fairy tale that we’ve heard from them over and over. Except this time, Snow White doesn’t have a penis. It’s always the same. First, launch a policy initiative that makes you feel good. You know, like forgiving college loans, letting thugs off without bail. It makes you feel virtuous and superior, like driving a Prius with a Biden-Harris bumper sticker. Then you bask in the glow, knowing these ideas sparkle as long as they’re never implemented.
Meanwhile, the press regurgitate it like the goose that feeds Kat her breakfast of worms. But then, when such ideas are implemented, watch as it goes bad, faster than a fresh pair at Joe Biden’s underwear. Remember Obamacare? Affordable health care for all. You can keep your doctor, now your premiums are through the roof and your doctor says your son can’t keep his testicles.
Now comes the border. Hey, if you like your neighborhood, you can keep your neighborhood. Yeah, right. Sure, no person is illegal, sounds great on a t-shirt, until an illegal from wherever is using that t-shirt to wipe his ass in front of your laundromat. The same goes for bumper stickers. They almost always have a Democratic message. Remember, “Arms Are For Hugging.” Nope. In reality, arms are for choking out a mentally ill maniac, threatening your life on the end train. That’s reality, but that’s where notions like those belong, on t-shirts and bumper stickers. Any policy initiative that fits on them has never been fully considered. Except for the one that says, “Honk If You’re Horny.” Man that made my PT Cruiser the most popular car in town. Saw a lot of action back there, sometimes with someone else.
So after the White House threw out the global welcome mat. Democratic mayors are now shocked that millions actually showed up. It’s like offering your broke friend a crash on the couch for a week, then he actually shows up and stays, he raids your fridge, lays on the couch smoking weed, invites his friends over and trashes the house, and expects you to pay for it all. I mean, I’m sure Hemmer’s charming, but damn, there’s a limit. He didn’t even set up a meth lab like he promised. But if you advertise that you’re willing to give away a valuable limited resource, a resource that doesn’t really belong to you, then what the hell do you expect? Free room and board, free health care, free school for your kids? Wow, maybe we should all fly to Mexico City and walk back in. Huh? It would be worth the diarrhea all over my sombrero. I think that’s racist on two fronts. Of course, none of you ever got that deal because no government ever could afford that. To raise that kind of cash, they need the stock picking skills of a Pelosi.
So now, as lefty mayors are stuck with the bill for this insanity, the only way to fix it is to lurch back to the right, meaning do what the Republicans were telling you all along. Grow up, this isn’t high school. I was a liberal back then because liberal ideas were amazing and beautiful as long as you never did them, for they aren’t real unless they’re attached to a working system. And there is no system, just a phony altruistic scam. They’re more pie in the sky than the drone delivery from Brian Stelter’s bakery. Liberal goals without conservative systems are like building a new Nancy Pelosi without gallons of spackle. And liberal goals without conservative systems mean there are freebies minus results and that doesn’t work.
Mayor Adams sees this, we think. Look at bail reform, the free-range homeless. That reminds me, I promised Chris Wallace I’d let him borrow my tent. Cities are now replicas of the places these migrants are fleeing. Total chaos and disorder. What kind of lunatic would want to visit any of these towns?
CHRIS HAYES: The Why is This Happening podcast is going out on tour this fall… There are still tickets available for Philadelphia, where MSNBC’s Joy Reid is now joining an amazing double bill with the great Naomi Klein, whose new book is phenomenal, you’ve got to check it out. Two conversations, one ticket at the Fillmore in Philly. I cannot wait for that. There are just a small number of tickets available for the Rachel Maddow Show in New York… And stay tuned for news on the Chicago show.
Audience shows in New York, Chicago, Philly, hah. If you’re going to see those clowns, you deserve to get mugged before and after and during intermission. So, Chris, we did you favor. We created a more true to life promo for your little speaking tour. Take it away.
ANNOUNCER: Looking for entertainment while surrounded by chaos and crime. Then you’ll love the Utterly Failing City Tour with Chris Hayes, if he survives. Come see us in Chicago, where there’s tons of deep dish shootings and gang related pizza. Woops, switch those. How about Philadelphia? Enjoy an intimate evening while being pistol whipped and robbed. And if you’re feeling extra brave, see us in New York City. Come for the show, stay because a relative will have to identify your body. So buy your ticket today. Just remember to get your affairs in order first.
All right, So, dems. I’m sure it felt good for a while, but like eating nothing but junk food, it’s caught up to you. And now you realize you need a policy enema. Well, don’t worry. I have a feeling a nationwide dose of ex-lax is coming next year.
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