One in four Americans in a relationship admit they’re hiding a secret from their partner, according to new research.
A survey of 2,000 sexually active adults found that 26% of those in relationships admit their partner doesn’t know their true “body count” — the number of people they’ve been intimate with.
While a majority of these respondents said this is because their partner never asked (60%), another 16% admit they’ve lowballed their number when asked.
And while most of those in relationships have an answer about how many people their partner has been with, one in nine question whether or not their partner is lying.
So what could the real number be? The survey conducted by Talker Research for LELO, found that the average American has been intimate with 14 people.
Two in three think the “body count” of someone you’re in a serious relationship with is vital information and another 56% said it’s crucial to know this even if you’re only casually intimate with someone.
Eight in 10 singles claim they’d be honest with their partner about the number of people they have been with (83%), but fewer want to know how many lovers their partner has had (62%).
They may have the chance to put it all out there soon: more singles are interested in serious intimacy the upcoming year than they were this past year (40% vs. 33%).
Reflecting on their sex lives, a fifth of respondents are embarrassed by the number of people they have been intimate with.
While a similar percentage wish they were intimate with more people (19%), a quarter wish for the opposite.
“We believe in the power of embracing your sexual desires and being unashamed of taking care of your needs,” said Luka Matutinović, chief marketing officer at LELO. “Every journey of self-discovery and pleasure is vital to intimacy. By tuning into what brings you joy, you can unlock deeper connections and a more fulfilling experience. Remember, there’s no shame in exploring your needs and discovering new dimensions of pleasure.”
Currently, one in eight are dissatisfied with their sex lives and timing has a lot to do with it, with 42% sharing they’re not as sexually active as they’d like to be.
Finding time is a challenge for 21%, with the average American sharing that they last had sex 10 days ago.
Just because they’re doing the deed doesn’t mean they’re having the best time, though.
Twenty-four percent said it’s been at least a month since they’ve had “good” sex — including 20% of those in committed relationships.
Although most would grade their most recent lover as an A or higher (55%), another 31% rated the sex they recently had as just average, in the B-C range.
Perhaps awkward moments like “when I fell out of bed,” “he got a nose bleed” or falling “asleep during the encounter” have also played a role in how long it’s been since respondents can recall having “good” sex.
However, these conversations are never easy to have: one in seven would not be honest with a partner if they were unhappy with their sex life.
More than a quarter of those surveyed think it’s offensive to receive feedback from a partner after sex (27%), and 23% are speaking from experience after a partner told them they were dissatisfied.
Some of the most difficult feedback to grapple with was that their partner was “getting tired of doing the same thing,” has “had better” or that they “did not live up to expectations.”
To protect their lover’s feelings, 59% admit they’ve withheld feedback about how satisfied they were after sex.
“Open and honest communication about sexual needs is essential for a thriving relationship,” said Matutinović. “Introducing sex toys can be a powerful way to explore desires and deepen emotional connections. Don’t hesitate to start these conversations — it can unlock new dimensions of excitement and fulfillment for you and your partner.”
FEEDBACK RESPONDENTS RECEIVED AFTER SEX
- Said I was too loud
- I didn’t move enough with him
- That I was not flexible enough
- Getting tired of doing the same thing
- They had to do all the work
- That I needed to do more. Get more involved
- I’ve had better
- That I didn’t last long enough
- I did not live up to expectations
- I need to kiss more
- Too much teeth
- To be more intimate and engage first
- There was not enough attention to detail when it came to foreplay
AWKWARD INTIMATE ENCOUNTERS
- Unannounced person knocked on our front door
- When I fell out of bed
- The first time, in a car
- Not being able to get on top my legs get spasms
- When my child walked in on us in the middle of the night
- Ex girlfriend stopped by
- When I get the giggles during sex
- When I was in a sex swing and got my foot caught between the straps
- Finding out I was on my period during foreplay
- Parents walked in
- The person acted like they were the greatest and they did nothing but lay there and make you do all the work
- He got a nose bleed
- She found another girls personal item in my bed
- When I slept with a guy I had just met, he told me he loved me in the middle of having sex
- Wearing lingerie and setting a romantic evening for them not to give the same energy
- When I fell asleep during the encounter
- Asked to play Call of Duty immediately afterwards
- A day I called someone by another name
- When I was invited to be a “third” without knowing
Survey methodology:
Talker Research surveyed 2,000 sexually active Americans; the survey was commissioned by LELO and administered and conducted online by Talker Research between Sept. 19 and Sept. 23, 2024.
