Welcome to the Love Lab.
Psychologists say that the scientific method — observation, hypothesis, experimentation, analysis and adjustment — should be applied to dating to stop singles from repeating the same mistakes and wanting to give up on romance altogether.
The first step in the scientific method is observation, which involves gathering data and recognizing patterns.
Experts suggest keeping a “dating log” to record and reflect on your behaviors and patterns.
“By reflecting on your relationship history, you collect important insights that can help you make better choices going forward,” Dr. Mark Travers told Psychology Today.
Once you’ve made your observations, it’s time to formulate a hypothesis — an educated guess based on your data.
“In dating, this would mean reflecting on your past relationships and creating assumptions about what changes could lead to better outcomes,” Travers explained.
Look at what went wrong and decide what changes might lead to better results — like not being asked for a refund after a date.
For example, if you’ve observed that unclear communication about “values” has led to issues, you might hypothesize that being more upfront from the start could improve your dating experiences, according to Travers.
The experimentation phase is where the excitement lies.
You don’t have to go crazy concocting some crazy love potion. Simply begin by changing some of the behaviors you believe might be getting in the way of finding “the one.”
For example, go out with someone who piques your interest but isn’t traditionally your “type.”
“Each guess gives you a new approach to try and see what works best,” Travers said.
“Instead of continuing to date on autopilot or falling into old patterns, you can treat each dating experience as an opportunity to experiment and gather fresh data.”
However, this doesn’t mean you should treat people as “test subjects” or “disposable.”
Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, a sociologist, intimacy speaker and author, previously told The Post that the convenience of dating apps has led people to see one another as disposable.
The plethora of choices and ease of finding dates has led people to have an “on to the next one” mindset and made dating more superficial.
“That mentality around dating can make it harder to do the hard work of working on a relationship,” Gunsaullus explained.
Find the balance of respecting each date without taking it all too seriously — and save yourself the heartbreak.
“Each new relationship is a chance to test new hypotheses, ultimately helping you better understand what works for you in love,” the expert said.
Regularly analyzing your dating life, whether over brunch with the girls, beers with the boys or reading through your “dating log,” allows you to improve your approach and better understand your perfect match and yourself.
“Over time, you’ll begin to recognize which qualities in a partner align with your values and which dating behaviors either strengthen or weaken your connections,” Travers said.
Like scientific experiments, not all dating trials will succeed, but each provides valuable data for future adjustments — then you can confidently say “It’s not me, it’s you.”
“It’s all about learning from each relationship or interaction and using those insights to improve,” Travers noted.
