Something caught my attention this week that revealed a deep, dark, shameful secret about single women.
Many of us — okay, let me clarify, not me (for once) — seem to be like a bull to a red rag when it comes to married men.
It appears that a wedding ring is seen as a challenge by many. Shame, shame, shameful behavior.
Don’t believe me? I have proof.
You see, it all started during my weekly Instagram Saucy Secrets confessional that I host every Monday night. A guy wrote in and said: “I’ve been married for 2.5 years and I have never had so many women approach me. When I was single I barely got noticed. I don’t like this attention, but is it normal?”
It piqued my interest, so I put up a poll asking: “Men … did you notice more women hit on you post-marriage?” and the results were wild. More than 10,000 men answered the poll, with 74 percent saying yes.
Here I am, looking for a charming, single guy to float my boat, and my fellow single sisters are giving the wink and nod to married blokes.
No, girls, no.
One of my female followers had an interesting take on the trend in my DMs: “It’s because his wife has improved him, probably got him a new wardrobe and skincare routine.” Which made me laugh — but also, I kind of think she has a point.
I know I’ve mentioned this before, but my friends and I are constantly outraged by the high percentage of single men with poor hygiene. Whether it’s bad breath, smelly bedrooms, dirty plates in the sink or a lack of ironing, many just don’t seem to have the basics down. Toothbrush, lads — use it.
So I think she’s on to something.
One look around any office right now will show you a Single Steve heating up last night’s Chinese takeout for lunch while wearing a crumpled shirt he found on the floor of his bedroom, while Married Martin arrives in a neatly pressed suit with a thoughtfully packed, healthy lunch made by his charming wife.
Okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s not too far from the truth. Am I right, ladies?
But having pondered it further, I believe there’s a deeper reason for this attraction to taken men, and it’s quite simple.
It comes down to the allure of stability and success. These guys give off a vibe of having it all together — financially stable, emotionally mature and, even more enticing, they’re clearly not afraid of commitment.
A man with a wedding ring symbolizes someone who isn’t afraid to say “Let’s give relationships a go” — he’s literally walked down the aisle to prove it. In today’s dating landscape, that can feel like a unicorn. Just getting someone in a situationship to agree to be a proper boyfriend is an almighty effort these days.
So as much as I hate to admit it, it makes sense that this “mate poaching” is happening in our bars and workplaces.
In fact, don’t just take my word for it. There’s actual experimental evidence that single women are going gaga for other people’s partners — according to a report in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.
It revealed that 90 percent of single women admitted to being attracted to a man they believed was already taken, while only 59 percent were interested if he was single.
Ladies, this man is not your man. He belongs to someone else, and (annoyingly) we’ve got to respect that.
For those who speak “First Wives Club,” let me put it this way: We want to be the Goldie Hawn in this situation, not the Sarah Jessica Parker.
So perhaps our alternative is to neaten up the single ones. Choose one who catches your eye, take him on a date to the nearest menswear store, teach him how to throw a load of laundry in the machine and gift him a toothbrush just to say, “Thinking of you.” Cute, right?
The excuse “But all the good ones are taken” isn’t going to cut it anymore. We need to train these single mutts and turn them into glorious hounds. Oh, I can hear the comments section filling up with outrage already.
Sit, boy, sit.
Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking
