A man has taken to Reddit after a miscommunication became apparent between himself and his wife around his inheritance.
Whilst the man said that the inheritance was all his own, due to both his parents passing, his wife has begun sharing her ideas on how to spend it — but he has no intention of sharing.
Now, he’s asking others — is it wrong for him to want the final call on how to spend the money?
“My inheritance is mine, not ‘ours’”
“Years ago I was gifted a “s–t-ton” worth of stock when my parents both began showing signs of dementia. Cut to this year and both my parents have passed, and I have inherited another large chunk of money in various account types,” the man began.
“Long story short, my wife thinks half is hers, and she has ‘ideas’ on how to spend just about all of it. It has never been commingled with joint funds.”
The man went on to ask fellow Reddit users just how to attack the situation, and whether or not he should say something at all.
“Would I be the a–hole if I informed her flat out that my inheritance is mine, not “ours”, and although I am willing to indulge her wants, I will be the final authority on how those funds are spent? How would I “break it” to her in the right way?” he said.
“We do have a great marriage and up to this point have never had a serious disagreement revolving around money.”
“Why don’t your plans involve or include each other?”
Many commenters on the post were quick to jump to the wife’s defense, asking why their finances aren’t shared — particularly when, according to the poster’s responses, the two have been married for 35 years.
“I don’t know about you but in our household we don’t split anything, and we don’t divide it up between us. It’s ours mutually and we mutually decide what to do with our resources,” one commenter said.
“Genuine question: Why don’t your plans involve or include each other? My husband and I also have inheritances from our parents. His is considerably more than mine in the form of land. But all our plans are based on our dream house, our travel/cruise plans, our children’s future, our savings, etc. Even where our plans are more individualistic, like his office(a big one with staff) and my office (a small chamber), or any business planning (commercialising the land/farmhouse, giving on rent etc), it’s always us as a team,” another agreed.
“We discuss and argue like a normal couple. But it never comes to our mind that it’s his or my money. It’s always been ours.”
Others said it would depend on what her ideas to spend the money actually are, and how that fits in with the amount of money received.
“There is a world of difference if she wants to spend the money on a home that will have them set for life vs. frivolous spending,” one said.
“Depending on the sum of money and her request, I would save my griping until absolutely necessary. If I got 10 mil and she wants to redo the kitchen, I am sure as s–t redoing the kitchen,” another added.
“Why not discuss things?”
However, just about all of the comments agreed that some sort of conversation needs to be had between the two.
“Are you in a partnership or not? It’s your money, sure, but you should have a conversation with your WIFE about how to spend or save it. You’re married. Anyone making any unilateral decisions is an a–hole,” one commenter stated.
“My husband and I have been in a similar situation. He was gifted a ton of money and assets when his grandparents died. I did NOT claim half and decide how to spend it. My husband also did not scream “MINE” and hoard it like a dragon. We sat down and talked about family goals and financial goals,” another said.
“If your marriage is good, why not discuss things and use the money to invest in your futures and indulge in a few wants together? She shouldn’t be greedy and doesn’t deserve half, but work with her!”
“If you lead with “mine”, I can see how she is going to think automatically you are an asshole,” a third agreed.
“Instead, lead with “this is my plan for what to do with the money.” Since you are happily married, I think you should also tell her why — talk about the future, retirement, long term plans. Ask her thoughts and if she starts to push her ideas, just gently shut them down for whatever reason. Luckily, she’s shown her hand, so you should be able to rebut these with sound logic. If she continues to push or argue, then absolutely shut her down.”
