DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 60 years lost her husband 13 years ago. She has one son, who is successful and busy with his young family. They try to include her in various family gatherings, but she always has an excuse as to why she can’t attend — she doesn’t drive at night, doesn’t like their friends, etc.
The truth is, she starts drinking at 2 p.m., and by 4 p.m. she starts sending me rude, hurtful text messages. I have tried ignoring them, not responding, turning off my phone, etc. I know she’s lonely, but she blames everything on everyone else and takes no responsibility for her own actions.
I love her but I can’t take it anymore. I have talked to her about this, and she just laughs. Then that same afternoon, after a few glasses of wine, she throws it back in my face. Please advise. — OVER IT IN ARIZONA
DEAR OVER IT: By now you should have realized that as much as you would like to, you can’t fix what’s wrong with your “best friend.” Only she can do that by finally admitting she has become an alcoholic and resolving to do something about it. The longer you tolerate her abuse, the longer she’ll keep abusing you and herself.
Tell her once and for all that you will no longer allow her to hurt you, and until she demonstrates that she’s dealing with her alcohol problem, you want nothing more to do with her. Then step back and block her calls and any other communication. Friends don’t treat their best friends the way you are being treated, and you do not have to tolerate it.
DEAR ABBY: I love cats and dogs. We have one of each. Both are indoor pets. My problem is my wife and daughter have filled our home with cat and dog paraphernalia of all shapes and sizes. There are seven dog and cat beds in the master bedroom, five in the spare bedroom, four in our daughter’s bedroom, three in the living room and one in the kitchen (because our cat supposedly likes to watch my wife cook).
There are also cat trees scattered about, a four-story cat cage, and cat and dog toys strewn across the floors. There are packets of cat and dog treats everywhere. I just love stepping on them while barefoot at night. Am I unreasonable to suggest that our cat and dog need not be treated like royalty? I suspect they’d be just fine with one bed each — you know, like us humans. — OVERRULED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR OVERRULED: It appears your wife and daughter have gone overboard trying to ensure that the furry family members are comfortable. A compromise is definitely in order, particularly regarding areas that YOU spend the most time in — like your bedroom, living room and kitchen. It would also be considerate if someone made sure the floors are cleared of toys and treats before bedtime so you won’t be injured on your way to the bathroom.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
