DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 16 years (eight years married). When we were first married, we had fun. He used to take me out on dates. He knows I enjoy dining and dancing, but it has been years since he invited me out. I have talked to him about this on multiple occasions, and he says he hears me, but we never do anything. I’m tired of repeating my wants and needs to him.
I recently met someone very nice, and I’m attracted to him. He’s attentive and picks up on little things I don’t mention. We’re both married and have no intention of leaving our spouses. We have been talking on the phone only. We have had no physical contact. But when we talk, I experience feelings that make me want to be with him.
I love my husband and our family, but I’m falling for this gentleman. What do I do about my feelings? — TORN IN NEW YORK
DEAR TORN: The first thing to do would be to end the flirtation with your phone buddy. Then take a long, hard look at what has happened to your relationship with your husband. Tell him you feel the two of you are drifting apart because he no longer gives you the attention he did when you were first married.
Is the problem a lack of initiative on his part? How would he react if you asked him out for a date? Ask if you may have done anything to cause him to lose interest, and if talking about this with a licensed marriage and family therapist would make a positive difference. Marriages wither if no effort is made to nurture them.
DEAR ABBY: My favorite uncle was a machinist who taught me to respect and care for tools. Although I ended up in tech, I still maintain an organized workbench in my garage. I often get comments about it, and I’m not sure how to respond. Sometimes in social situations, folks mention it, although strangers walking by also feel they have a right to comment — “Your garage is so organized,” “I could eat off your garage floor,” and “My garage sure doesn’t look like this.”
My view is that it’s inside my house and none of their business. Am I supposed to be complimented, support their decision to not clean their own garage, or what? I don’t feel a need to justify, explain or even thank them for their observations, but there’s this uncomfortable silence while folks await my response. Any suggestions? –– AWKWARD IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR AWKWARD: Yes. Leaving your garage door open is an invitation to passersby to look. The polite way to respond to a compliment is to simply say, “Thank you!” I suggest you try it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
