She’s on the couch — but he’s in the doghouse.
A post on Reddit’s infamous “Am I the A-hole” subreddit recently went viral for his sticky sleep situation, asking if he was in the wrong for requesting that his wife crash on the couch instead of their bed so he could get some much-needed shut-eye — resulting in a “huge argument” and his bride “not talking to me at the moment.”
At first, it sounds like a tired plotline plucked straight from a 90s sitcom. But the real reason why the poster asked his wife of two years to leave their marital bed is much darker.
“About two and a half months ago my wife and SIL were in a car crash,” the husband wrote, adding that his sister-in-law tragically passed away and that her death has been “devastating” to his wife.
He explained that after the crash, his wife went into a deep depression and lost her job for not showing up to work — nixing the health insurance they were both using, as he works in construction and “the health insurance through my job kinda sucks.”
As such, therapy to help his wife cope with her grief is currently off the table (though he clarified that the pair are on a waitlist for some sort of program). He also explained that his wife was denied unemployment, since she was fired and found at fault.
The poster complained that his wife’s nightmares and restlessness have been cutting into his own sleep, which he needs to work the long shifts that are now responsible for supporting them both.
“I know she can not control [her nightmares],” the husband said. “Unfortunately she does wake me up in the middle of the night, either she is loud or she toss and turns a lot. With the 10-12 hours shifts I am exhausted.”
As for not just sleeping on the couch himself, the poster defended his resistance to the idea, noting that while he’s tried it a few times, the physically demanding nature of his job necessitates a soft place to snooze.
“I asked her to sleep on the couch once or twice a week so I could get a good night sleep…I just want a good night’s sleep and I can’t sleep on the couch or I will be in pain the next morning,” he concluded.
The sleep conundrum clearly revved up Redditors, with over a thousand commenters divided over whether the posting husband was, indeed, the a-hole.
“The circumstances are completely irrelevant,” said one commenter not buying his plight. “You don’t throw someone out of their bed. If you don’t want to sleep next to her, YOU move. Taking it upon yourself to demand THEY move is f-king vile behavior.”
“Maybe I’m being cynical, but in our relationship, the one not being affected by something (illness, stress, whatever) is the one that goes to the couch so that the one who is the least comfortable and going through the emotions or healing can stay comfortable in bed,” said another in the wife’s corner. “If I were you, I’d let wife keep the bed and I would sleep on the couch myself.”
“Honestly, I kind of dislike you for this post,” added yet another blunt Redditor. “She’s going through one of the hardest things she has probably dealt with in her life. You can miss some sleep and be a little sore or buy a $100 bed on Amazon and make it work.”
Others, however, sympathized with the sleepless husband.
“NTA,” one succinct commenter determined. “Construction work while exhausted is a death wish.”
“Just want to say I feel you,” added another. “Getting woke up in the middle of the night completely ruins your sleep and can be really hard to function next day. Having back pain is the worst also.”
“Dump her. She doesn’t care about you and is selfish,” said one startling outlier.
However, most found a point of agreement that at the end of the day, the whole situation was sad and difficult for both husband and wife.
“I would not worry about who is the a-hole,” said one nuanced commenter. “Both of you are going to need to support each other. She’s having a rough time. You are too as a result. That is so hard and I’m sorry. Yall need a sofa bed in the short term and therapy in the midterm. I wish I could help.”
“Just a sh-tty situation overall,” added another empath. “I hope you two come out of it soon and strong.”
