I’m on a date with a fashion model who’s way out of my league as a photographer snaps pictures of me trying to pour on the charm at an Italian spot — all because I look kinda like Luigi Mangione.
We share a bottle of white wine at hidden gem Inatteso in Battery Park City as she tells me she’s not convinced Mangione is the man who killed UnitedHealthcare CEO, Brian Thompson.
My date doesn’t think the widely circulated photo of the smiling suspect from a New York City hostel is actually Mangione — and allow me to assure you it isn’t me.
Soon we’re eating lasagna and having a flowing, flirtatious conversation that avoids any mention of politics. She even laughs when I try to make jokes and allows me to tell her my theories on the New Jersey drone phenomenon.
I realize the date is going criminally well when I rant for 10 minutes about “The Telepathy Tapes” podcast and she pretends to find it interesting. I find myself thinking, perhaps like Luigi behind bars, “How did I get here?”
It all started with an Instagram story post I made after receiving way too many in-person comments about the alleged resemblance — from co-workers, friends, family members, bartenders, strangers, gym-goers, members of the clergy.
Frankly, I don’t even see it. There must be a few dozen kids I grew up with on Staten Island that are as close or closer to being a dead ringer for the suspected killer.
“I do not look like the CEO killer other than being Italian,” I wrote in an ugly block caption placed over a half-hearted office-selfie. “But thank you for telling me that, several people.”
A handful of girls, and a couple guys, took the bait and dropped flirtatious comments — but one damsel in my DMs who I previously chatted with briefly cut right to the chase.
“I mean … the eyebrows,” the striking model with +20K followers wrote, punctuated with the eyes-emoji.
I did not keep my cool but that didn’t seem to matter.
“With the whole country thirsting for Luigi, y’all are about to have a blast,” she entreated.
I mentioned that The Post was thinking about doing a story about my alleged resemblance and how it was a “hit with women.”
“I volunteer to be part of the social experiment,” she wrote and the deal was sealed.
We set a date and I even got her to commit to being photographed, though she chose to remain anonymous for the sake of this story — fine by me as I don’t need any of you other Mangione lookalikes trying to slide into her DMs.
It was an excellent date — even the photog said so — and she’s a great gal.
Despite juggling several gigs and constant bookings she even manages to find time to volunteer as a foster parent for houseless dogs — incredibly kind.
Clearly, way out of my league and of all people I have Mangione, I suppose, to thank for putting some stardust in her eyes.
And we have a second date — no cameras for that one.
