Jessie* is a nurse who works in a hospital on an overnight shift.
She has a coworker in her unit who is heavily pregnant and is about to go on maternity leave.
“She’s nice, but pretty lazy,” Jessie admits to Reddit’s AITA forum.
“Some of my other coworkers thought throwing her a baby shower before she goes on leave would be nice. We all chipped in $30-40 each and some people a bit more to buy decorations, a card, a cake, pizza, homemade food, pastries, drinks, plates/cups/utensils etc.
“The girls who put the thing together spent several hours of their own time decorating the break room and getting the food together. It was really nice even though I’m not a close friend of hers.”
“I thought it was a joke”
A few days after the party, the pregnant coworker approached Jessie’s workstation and asked if she had seen her baby registry on Amazon.
“I told her I hadn’t, but it was nice that she had one,” Jessie explained.
“She then took out her phone and began showing me individual items on the registry. She says, ‘I just want to know who is buying me what, so I can plan the other things I need to get for the baby.’ She was scrolling past things like a $70 nappy bag and a $450 pram.”
At first, Jessie thought it was “a joke”, but as her coworker continued pointing out items, she quickly realized that it wasn’t.
She kept asking me if I was going to buy one of them. It took me totally off guard. I told her, ‘That’s nice you have a registry for your family but I already pitched in for the party, so I’m not buying anything else.’
“She clearly took offence to this and told me to let her know if I ‘change my mind’ and sauntered off. One of my coworkers who overheard me said it was a little too blunt with her, and that I should have been kinder with my delivery because she’s pregnant and it’s not a big ask to buy something ‘small’ off the registry.
“I heard the rest of them all say things like, ‘oh, that’s nice, I’ll look at the registry after work’ or something slightly more palatable.”
But Jessie said she doesn’t feel obligated to buy her coworker anything because she’s already spent $40 of her own money on her shower “out of the goodness of my heart.”
“You are not obligated to use the baby registry”
Commenters immediately backed Jessie, with one person saying: “You have absolutely no obligation to go and buy her a gift on that list. That baby shower thing is like all those stupid events our society pushes us to do only to make sure we over-consume, that’s all!
“Why do people think because a woman is pregnant, you can’t put her in her place when she crosses a line?”
Another replied: “Also, pregnant or not… close friend or not… standing in front of ANYONE, showing them your registry for ANY occasion, and asking them what they’re going to buy you from it is tacky as hell. You’ve lost the right to a polite response at that point.”
“I feel weird telling my sister what I want for my birthday when. She. ASKS. I cannot imagine doing this nonsense. My God. I feel an anxiety attack coming on just thinking about this,” a third claimed.
“NTA. And… blunt is refreshing. More people need to be blunt. If the receiver’s feelings get hurt, too bad. Being blunt ends the discussion quickly and without the need for further explanation,” agreed someone else.
