Once upon a time, bedtime in my house was a strictly enforced routine.
It involved bath, book and then bed at 7pm on the dot – no negotiation.
Heaven help anyone that tried to get in the way of this sequence – it was absolutely set in stone!
With three kids under three, we had to keep to a routine in order to survive.
And as a mom, I needed the kids asleep early so I could have some time to myself before collapsing into bed.
Our entire lives revolved around their bedtime routine for years.
Fast forward to today, and things look very different.
My kids are now 15, 15 and 12, and I’m the one heading to bed first.
I’m the one with the bedtime routine (it still involves a book, but these days it’s more Fourth Wing than Zog).
They, on the other hand, are free to decide when they go to sleep.
Bedtime is their choice
Some nights, they head to bed at a reasonable hour. Other nights, they push it too far and wake up regretting their life choices.
But that’s the point – I figure they have to learn for themselves how much sleep they need, and they do this through trial and error.
I was given that freedom when I was a kid, and it worked out fine (mostly). So I’m happy to let my kids manage their own sleep routine — within reason. I still check in on them as I head to bed and remind them it’s getting late.
I’ll even suggest it’s time to put down their laptop, turn off their iPad or turn off the TV. But I no longer stand over them and enforce lights out. That is, unless I wake up at midnight and catch someone still on an iPad on a school night. Then it’s game over. No questions. (I do still have some boundaries!)
Weekends have flexibility
Then there are the weekend nights, when apparently they HAVE to stay up all night to unlock something special on Roblox. We have a system for this and it involves us having a conversation about it (no sneaking around).
If it’s a Friday night, it’s their call – they can stay up all night if they want. If it’s a Saturday, they can stay up – but only if they don’t nap the next day and they’re in bed early Sunday night, ready for school. Their lack of sleep at the weekend isn’t allowed to mess with our Monday morning.
Some parents think I’m crazy for letting them figure out their own sleep routine. I know how important sleep is – I spent years so sleep-deprived with twins and a newborn that I regularly had to remind myself not to sprinkle coffee on my Cornflakes.
These days, my bed is my happy place, and I can’t wait to get there.
How’s it going so far?
So far, our experience of having a relaxed bedtime routine has been a mixed bag. Some nights, they crash early and wake up refreshed. Other nights, not so much – they drag themselves out of bed the next morning and ask, “Why didn’t you make me go to sleep?”
Part of growing up is learning from your mistakes, and sleep deprivation is a pretty effective teacher.
Ironically, the one I thought would push boundaries is usually the first to bed. I’ll nip in at 10pm to remind him of something and find him snuggled up fast asleep. Meanwhile, the kid who usually follows the rules? He’s in the kitchen making cheese on toast at 11pm.
I may be their mom, but as they get older I don’t feel like I’m here to tell them exactly what to do. I can advise, influence, encourage and I can be there for them as they make their own choices – good or bad.
I’m finally at a point in my life where I control my own sleep. After a decade of broken sleep when they were little, I’m more than making up for it now.
They can work out their own routine – my years of bedtime battles are finally done and I’m officially off duty.
Now, I just need to figure out what to read now that I’ve finished Onyx Storm.
