DEAR ABBY: My next-door neighbor, “Dee,” has a granddaughter, “Sarah.” A year ago, I was friendly with Sarah, but months later, she became disrespectful. She wouldn’t listen when I asked her not to ring my doorbell for no reason or tease my cats. I told Dee, and she said she would try to talk to her. Dee said she can’t make Sarah mind at times.
The misbehavior stopped briefly until about two weeks ago. Now Sarah skates back and forth in front of my apartment. I didn’t think much about it until I caught her watching me when I’m outside. What do you do when you want to stay friends with a neighbor but she has a teen that won’t stop acting up? I need some ideas. — ANNOYED IN KENTUCKY
DEAR ANNOYED: Stay friends with Dee by continuing to treat her as a friend — as long as Sarah behaves herself. Saying she “can’t make Sarah mind” is no excuse. As the adult in the household, Dee is responsible for anything Sarah does, and you should react accordingly.
I don’t think “watching you” is an offense worth risking your friendship with Dee over, but if Sarah’s antics escalate to their previous levels, inform Dee and tell her you expect her to control her granddaughter. If Sarah ever resorts to outright criminal behavior, call the police immediately.
DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law moved in with my husband and me seven months ago. It has been difficult from the beginning. We got along pretty well before she came to live with us. It happened pretty quickly, and we really didn’t get to discuss it.
She doesn’t offer to help with the cooking or cleaning. Of course, costs went up — electricity, groceries and the water bill. We pay for everything. We take her to her doctors, but she doesn’t do what they recommend. We even pay for her prescriptions with no offer from her to reimburse us. She is disrespectful toward me, and I don’t like being around her.
My husband does everything for her. He helped her with her bills, packing up her house and putting everything in storage. I understand she is his mom, but she never acted like a mother. She has never sent birthday cards or acknowledged our children or grandchildren. She was and is all about herself.
My husband asks me, “What am I supposed to do, kick her out?” I feel this has gone on long enough and we three need to sit down and talk, which we should have done a long time ago. How can we sort this out? — HEAVY-HEARTED IN MISSOURI
DEAR HEAVY-HEARTED: You and your husband should have had a frank discussion about this before his mother was invited to move in. Because that didn’t happen then, do it now. By all means, call for a meeting of the three of you because it is overdue. Before the meeting, make a list of the things you feel your MIL should be helping with so you can refer to it. That her things are all in storage may be a blessing, in case she needs to relocate again.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
