Think of it as a connective kink.
Shibari, a type of Japanese rope bondage, is the tie that binds for some couples, helping them reach new levels of connection, communion and satisfaction — while dispelling sexual taboos.
“I always thought it was something for people that enjoyed pain and submission,” Richard, who regularly engages in shibari with his wife Kate, confessed to The Post.
But the intimate practice — which utilizes knots and bowlines, hitches and other rope-based restraints — is best described as “conversation without words,” according to Sara Landa, founder of Shibari Academy.
“In shibari, ‘listening’ means reading everything that isn’t verbalized: breathing patterns, muscle tension, shifts in posture, facial expressions, even how someone holds or releases the rope,” she told The Post.
In essence, the body expresses, the partner responds, and that co-creation brings closeness.
However, while shibari can be sexual, Landa says, it is not inherently so, adding that the increased destigmatization of kink has made the exploration of desire more widely accessible and accepted.
And as perception shifts, practices previously considered eyebrow-raising no-nos — such as rope play — are now seen as healing treatments that bolster connectivity.
“Many of these practices are simply structured ways for people to communicate more clearly, set boundaries, build trust and be present — that’s what makes them powerful,” Landa said.
“Our communication is to the point where we can say things just by looking at each other. It’s a couple’s superpower,” Richard added of his bond with Kate.
When Richard and self-described “rope bunny” Kate first met, she was regularly engaging with a friend for shibari sessions. But as her relationship with shibari newbie Richard progressed, he felt uncomfortable with Kate being tied up by someone else.
“I didn’t want to stop doing shibari. Richard didn’t know much about it, and to be honest, I didn’t know how to tie, either — just be tied,” said Kate. “So we decided to learn together.”
Shibari — Japanese for “to bind” or “to tie” — typically includes a rigger, who ties the ropes, and the receiver, who is tied.
“In most shibari couples, the person being tied is the woman, but we felt more comfortable with me being tied,” said Richard, noting that being the tied partner creates an “amazing balance” in their relationship.
“Outside of shibari, I tend to be more dominant, and Kate tends to be more passive,” he explained. Consequently, Kate says shibari has moved their relationship from “paternalistic” to “equal.”
Though practicing together for years now, Richard says shibari still influences and improves their relationship.
“The more we practice, the less we assume. I learned to ask for help,” he said. “If it hurts, I will say it.”
Communication, often cited as critical in any relationship, is fundamental to rope play.
“Before a single knot is tied, both partners have to stop and talk about what they need from each other, as one person surrenders completely to being cared for while the other gives total attention,” Landa told The Post.
Landa notes that the most-searched relationship term in 2025 was “emotional intimacy” — a collective longing for connection that she believes techniques like shibari can satisfy.
“There’s a shift toward practices that are experiential, relational and participatory,” she said.
Long-term partners Tessa and Yasmin were both new to shibari when they began exploring rope play in the early stages of their relationship.
“I thought shibari would be a sexy thing to do together,” Tessa told The Post. “I didn’t expect that it would lead to a lot of vulnerable conversations that helped us get to know each other better.”
During their first session, the couple was accompanied by a tutorial video.
“It was fun, but very mechanical,” Tessa recalled.
But by their second session, Tessa felt more comfortable and fully connected to Yasmin.
“The world outside stopped existing. Yasmin was completely immobilized, and I had full control over her; that was incredibly intense.”
Yasmin revealed that being tied has helped her find her voice.
“Shibari requires you to speak up, and that’s not always easy for me,” she said.
“When you’re tied up, you have no choice but to voice your needs and what your partner needs to do to help you.”
As the receiver, Yamin has experienced how trust is born in and intensified by surrender.
“You’re re-programming your brain to deeply trust, and it translates to other areas of life. I know Tessa is taking care of me.”
For Tessa, being the rigger makes her feel both trusted and trustworthy.
“It really shows that my partner can be vulnerable with me. That makes me so proud, like I’m someone worth trusting,” she said. “It makes me want to uphold that in every part of our relationship.”
According to Landa, when a couple engages in shibari, the results can be especially revelatory.
“Shibari tends to amplify what is already there,” she explained.
However, Landa warned that underlying issues can also complicate — and even undermine — rope time.
“Expectations or unresolved tensions can surface during a session,” she said. “In a strained relationship, it can expose gaps in communication that need to be addressed.”
Still, she believes that at its highest octave, shibari can bring greater intimacy and understanding beyond a session.
“Shibari builds trust through clear communication, explicit boundaries, accountability, and real-time responsiveness,” Landa said. “Those are the same skills couples need for everyday challenges like finances or parenting.”
